The Trauma Recovery Journey - How to Think When You Feel Stuck
Oct 05, 2023
Today we're talking about the trauma recovery journey. The trauma recovery journey and how you can actually think more positively even when your thinker is not very clear. So, remember that trauma is a wound. Trauma is a painful past learning experience. It means that something happened that was not optimal, and it impacted you beyond your ability to have the resources that you needed to take care of it. When we are recovering from that, we miss out on knowing that we survived because our system gets so focused on making sure that never happens again.
Are Your Coping Skills Working?
That scary thing that felt like we wouldn't survive, that it puts up amazing scanners under the scenes that say that will never happen again. And then we come up with all kinds of coping skills, whether helpful or not helpful, to prevent the very thing that hurt us. And then those coping skills end up hurting us, so they don't work. They worked for a time, or they worked for a developmental stage or when we were kids, we thought they worked, but then as adults we run into things where they don't work and then we're kind of left wondering what in the world to do next?
You Already Survived!
Today, I'm going to help teach you how to think as you are recovering from trauma. Maybe you've been in therapy for a while and you're like, but when I hit this pain point again, I thought I had already worked through it. I thought it had already healed. I don't understand why I'm spinning my wheels again. And I want to tell you, you're not. And when you think, why am I not able to get past this? I still have to keep working and trying to get past this, I want to tell you that you are. So, you are getting past it. You are doing the work. Just because something is familiar and because it may be the way it feels, it does not mean that you're not progressing. It does not mean you haven't survived. It does not mean that hope isn't right there with you or that healing isn't completely on the horizon.
Now, I can't promise complete healing in everybody's circumstances all the time. But when you really do the work, you will then have the tools to be able to keep on the path towards healing and it will get smoother as you go. You don't need to still survive. You don't need to try harder to survive. You already have survived. Now you need to basically pick yourself up when you wobble. It's not that you're still surviving, it's that your system doesn't know it already did.
It's Like Riding a Bike
I want to give you the analogy of a bike ride, okay? If you're on a two-wheeler, you're a kid, you've learned how to ride a two-wheeler and you've crashed, and your bike is toast. I mean, you're banged up, your knees are skinned, your bike got all bent, your tires flat, everything's a mess. You don't want that to ever happen again. So, the next time you get on your bike, your new bike, you start to wobble a little bit because you remember, uh-oh, I fell last time, yet you keep going. You may have to stop and go to one side and kind of catch your balance with one leg down while you hold the bike against you. Then maybe you get back up and you try again and keep going. But every pedal, every time you push the pedal around, you are further on in the process of getting back on the bike and getting away from the experience of the accident. You survived your bike accident, and now you're on your way to a wonderful ride. If you keep thinking, I have to survive an accident, I have to survive an accident, you take away the power of the ride that you're already on in your bike. Now, does that mean you'll never wobble? No, of course not. Does that mean you'll never skin your knee again? Of course not. Does it mean though, that you're going to completely crash and lose your bike and never be okay again and break all kinds of bones? It doesn't mean that either. What happened to you in that first bike crash is over. If you have a new bike and you're pedaling, you survived it.
Now it's a matter of maybe carrying some extra tools with you. Maybe you want to wear your helmet when you ride your bike. Maybe you want to have some knee pads. If you wore ten knee pads on each leg, that would be overkill and that would cause more of a problem than it would help you. See, your coping skills can be out of proportion to what you need them to be. So, in what ways are you trying to protect yourself that are actually getting in the way now? But there's nothing wrong with maybe carrying with you some quarters to put in an air machine at a gas station so that you can pump up your tire if it gets a little low and that's what's causing the wobble. Or maybe to put a little basket on the bike that has a bottled water in there because you might get thirsty and that might help keep you hydrated while you pedal. When you have things that are helpful, you just pull out the tool that you need. Maybe carry a Band-Aid in your pocket in case you need to slap one on. If you do fall and skin your knee, it's not buying a whole new bike again and recovering from that huge crash you had. You've already done that. You're already on your new journey. You may need to have some tools in your toolkit that will help you to optimize when you wobble and fall. But it doesn't mean it's a catastrophe. Taking you back to that catastrophe that you had had that big wound trauma that put you on your guard and wanted to make you put every elbow, knee pad, helmets to the extreme on you. No. Just use caution. Be wise, look out for potholes, keep pedaling, enjoy the new journey. You're already on it.
Traumatic Memory Vs. Chronological Time
I wanted to encourage you with that because that's the difference between traumatic memory and actual chronological time you are present, you were hurt, you might still feel like you have a black and blue mark or a few of them, and you don't want them to get bumped. Again. Totally understandable. But if and when they get bumped, you can tend to them with compassion and care, or find others now who can tend to them with compassion and care. And you can process and heal because you survived that initial catastrophe. And the way I know that is because you're here now. You would not be if you were in immediate survival danger. Using your logic, maybe having some sips of coffee while you read. If you were really in fight or flight danger right now, a survival mode, you wouldn't be reading and thinking about how this applies to you. So, you have survived 100% of the things that you've been through. If you're still bruised, it's because you were wounded. And if you're still feeling those spots are tender, then tend to them. Comfort them, get them the support they need, the healing, the processing. But please don't mistake that you are no longer on the journey of the trauma. You are on the journey of recovery from that trauma. When you can acclimate to present time and space, it helps you to realize that you are no longer powerless, that you have power.
Empowerment Oasis Program
If you want to step back into your power, the Empowerment Oasis coaching program is running for twelve weeks, starting on October 23rd and going through the end of January, and I will personally walk you through twelve weeks of identifying the outcome that you would like the area that you're stuck in. So, let's say you're struggling with anxiety. Your goal may be, by the end of twelve weeks, we are going to identify the thoughts that are getting in the way and help you to have some coping skills so that you no longer have anxiety hanging around your neck like you're about to be choked. We can do this through my Empowerment Oasis program, where I walk you through my five-step framework to help you identify what's happened to you the story that you tell yourself and to correct the thinking glitches as well as regulate the emotions so that you know exactly how to handle what's happening in your nervous system.
It's not counseling. It is coaching and education to help you go from where you are to the outcome you want to get unstuck from, so that this thing gets knocked out in three months, twelve weeks, rather than lingering for another year and another year and another year until you're like, man, this has been around so long and it's stealing my life. I can't be present with my kids, I'm short-tempered with my husband. I just really need help. And I want it to be simple and easy and clear and not have to fuss with it that much longer. If that's you, I want you to go into the Empowerment Oasis program. You can sign up and still get the early bird discount and bonuses through Saturday, October 7. Come Sunday morning, October 8th, the early bird bonus and the discount goes away. So please go in this weekend if you want to be a part of it, and you can still schedule to have a free 15- minutes call with me if you think this might be for you and you just have some questions.
Go to Mental Health for Christian Women, click on the big orange lettering about the Empowerment Oasis, and then you will be taken to the landing page where it'll tell you all about this coaching program. It'll tell you all about what's included, it'll tell you about how to pay. You can choose a payment option either in full or three-month payment option, and it will also give you a place where if you do want to do a free consult/call to see if this is for you, you can just hop on and schedule it in my calendar link and I will be happy to meet with you about that.
If you are ready to get unstuck, please don't hesitate on stepping into the investment of investing in you and your healing. Life on the other side of your pain point, on the other side of your anxiety is so worth investing in getting the healing sooner rather than later. When you wait, it costs something. And it's not just financial. It costs your time, it costs your energy, it costs your family relationships. It costs how you show up in life. And I want you to have the power that Jesus came to give you. It's already yours.
Remember, you are on your journey. You are on your healing journey. You are no longer stuck in the trauma. You have survived it. And when you know that you've survived, then that means you have options. And those options, those wise choices, those investments in your healing can help you to thrive. It's time to take back your power. Let's get started.
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